I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
