capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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