My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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