she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
