Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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