it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
