Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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