Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
