oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
