i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
