Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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