I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
