he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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