It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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