i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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