I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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