Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She's the barista slut.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize