she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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