dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
