areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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