I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
