She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
