If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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