I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
