Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
