What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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