..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
