I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
