cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
