I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
