You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
