Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
