drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
