New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
