chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
