I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
