I can text with my tongue
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
