you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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