i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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