Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have aggressive nipples.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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