Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
