Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
