Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
