JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish you could order shots online.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
