I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
