Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
