Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
