Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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