Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
