What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
